Intoxicated
by Teddy Moniz
Summary: “Hell no!” retorted Mme Rosmerta. “You're drunk enough as it is! You won't be getting anymore drinks from me!” “But Mme Rosmerta.” I began, a devious grin forming on my face. “We are customers, you must comply to our needs.” Rated T for butterbeer abuse.


Intoxicated

I've said this a million times, thx to Sora Issabella Lupin-Black for being an awesome editor. She has edited all of my stories and I have failed to mention her in some of them. Sorry Sora, plz don't hate me :( ):

The Three Broomsticks was Padfoot's favourite place in Hogsmeade to be on winter holidays. Every night he would invite some of our friends to come and have a butterbeer with him, and I would always have to invite _myself_ to make sure they only had ONE butterbeer and didn't get drunk. Only tonight would be different. I had a detention with our potions master for allegedly cheating off of Sirius in a test, and I knew that Sirius never said that I wasn't cheating off of him just so I wouldn't be able to monitor him tonight. Well, my detention is only 1 hour, how much damage could Sirius cause within that time? My hunch is, a lot.

****

"Alright everyone!" I yelled standing on top of a desk in the Gryffindor common room. "You all know that tonight Remus has a detention, meaning no one to supervise us at the Three Broomsticks!"

Everyone began to cheer. I knew that we were going to have an really good time tonight, with Moony... absent for the time being, we had no limitations or rules. We were masterless.

"OK everyone, let's go to the Three Broomsticks shall we?!"

The entire crowd went wild and stormed out of the common room. This was going to be a blissful night, literally.

****

"Hello Mr. Lupin." greeted my potions professor. "Glad to see that you actually came to my office, unlike other students. You're a pretty good kid you know?"

"Thank you professor." I said, smiling slightly. "Um, Sir? I would like to talk to you about the length of my detention. If I may, I ask that it be shortened. You see, I must tend to my friend Sirius or he'll get a little... out of hand at the Three Broomsticks without my supervision."

"I'm sorry," the professor replied sternly. "But there are no exceptions for cheating off of your friend's test and no way your getting out of detention that easily. I understand the two of you are friends but you musn't talk or communicate with peers during a test, and this detention will hopefully remind you of that."

"But professor," I pleaded helplessly. "If I'm not there to control Sirius, he'll do the worst."

"I said no Mr. Lupin." said the professor. "I'm sure the bartender will keep things under control at the Three Broomsticks."

"Forgive _me_ sir." I began. "But if Madame Rosmerta is in charge of keeping things under control with Sirius there, then she's in for one _hell_ of a night."

****

"OK Madame Rosemerta, bring on the butterbeer!" I shouted while leaning slightly on the counter of the Three Broomsticks.

"Alright Mr. Black." obeyed Rosmerta while pouring our butterbeer. "Might I ask where your Remus friend is?"

"Oh, Mr. Lupin? I'm affraid he won't be joining _us_ tonight." I said slyly.

****

"Professor, please." I started. "No bartender or student other than me is capable of containing Sirius when he is... out of order."

"Very well," said the potions master with great reluctance. "Instead of timing your detention, I will let you decide how long it is, with how long it takes you to complete a task. I have shelves abundant with mixed up potions ingredients and could use some help sorting them out."

"Yes Sir I'm aware of your _messy _shelves, and I'm also aware that it would take _hours_ to sort." I retorted.

"Then get to work." said the professor. "Cause you're not leaving until the job's done."

"Oh God." I said to myself, begining to sort the ingredients. "I've got to get out of here fast before Sirius does something he'll regret."

****

"More butterbeer!" I yelled at Madame Rosmerta while placing down an empty bottle.

"Goodness Mr. Black." said Rosmerta, shocked. "This is your fifth butterbeer, have you no intention to stop drinkng?"

"Who cares about stopping?" I asked before groggily gulping down my fifth bottle of butterbeer. "We are going to drink all we want and have a good time, well, while it lasts."

"Hey Sirius, look at me!" hollered one of the boys standing on top of a table and pretending to surf.

"Nice!" I yelled back. At that moment I unexpectedly and randomly blurted out: "Hey everyone! I think I'll pay for your butterbeers tonight!" All of the boys began to cheer loudly, and then, even more unexpectedly, I thought of the most brilliant idea.

"Hey guys?" I called out drunkenly. "How 'bout' we ditch the butterbeer and go for the fire whiskey, eh?"

"Yeah!'" Everyone yelled.

"Hell _no_!" retorted Mme Rosmerta. "You're drunk enough as it is! You wont be getting anymore drinks from me!"

"But Mme Rosmerta." I began, a devious grin forming on my face. "We are customers, you _must_ comply to our needs."

****

It had been an hour since Sirius has been at the Three Broomsticks.

I was begining to wonder how much havoc he must have caused already.

"Professor." I said while picking up a flask of stewed lacewing flies and placing it with all the others on the shelf. "I've been sorting these revolting potion ingredients by myself for an hour, can't you help me?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Lupin." Said the professor with false concern. "But I'm busy doing paperwork, that and you were the one who agreed to do the job were you not?"

"Oh God." I whispered to myself. "If I had _just_ accepted my one hour of doing nothing I would already be on my way to the Three Broomsticks. But no, I had to be persistant in changing the way my detention was timed, and because of it, Sirius has more time to cause _more_ chaos."

****

So far it had been an _excellent_ night. I was keeping track of how much everyone was drinking for some odd reason. Prongs had a respectable total of four butterbeers and a fire whiskey, Wormtail with a sad tally of two butterbeers and NO fire whiskeys (pathetic), and I had a brilliant score of eleven butterbeers and five fire whiskeys. I was having the most free time of my life. Make no mistake I enjoyed Moony's presence, he is my best friend, but tonight I was too drunk to remember how much I really missed him and to know that I was on the verge of doing something stupid.

"Hey, guys." I mumbled with an intoxicated look on my face. "I can fly! Do ya wanna see me **fly**!?!"

"Fly Padfoot!" yelled Prongs in a chair with a fire whiskey bottle in his hands. "Be free!"

"OK!" I said oddly. I climbed on top of a table and jumped off while yelling "I can _fly_!" I evidently landed on the floor. I got back up and then... I threw up.

****

"OK Sir." I said with tones of relief. "I'm done. I've put everthing on the shelves by order of their names."

"My my Mr. Lupin." said the professor, surprised. "I'm happy to see that you have followed my request without complaint, and what's better, you've put quite a bit of effort into the task. I am very proud."

"Thank you sir." I said, accepting his praise. "But I really must be going now."

"Of course," began the professor. "After an hour and forty-five minutes I think you would want to leave."

"Thanks." I said happily. "Bye."

"Goodbye Mr. Lupin." responded the professor. "Oh, give your friend my best regards won't you?"

"Of course professor." I said, opening the office door. "I'll make sure of it."

****

"Woooo! Sirius this is an _amazing_ night!" yelled a Gryffindor I didn't even know.

"I know!" I said wierdly. "Isn't it aweso..." _Thud!_ I suddenly passed out and later woke up in the hospital wing at hogwarts.

"Wha... what h-happened?" I asked feebly. "Why do I have a _major_ head and stoamch ache?"

"It's called a hangover." said Moony, sitting in a chair next to my bed. "And it's the reason I'm always making sure that you don't have more than a single glass of butterbeer a day Sirius. I found you on the floor with booze all over your robes and face at the Three Broomsticks. You looked like a junky."

"I'm sorry Moony." I apoligized. "I never knew this is why you limited my purchases at the Three Broomsticks to one butterbeer a day. When you got detention tonight I felt so great, I thought I would have the best night ever, drinking all I want, and I was having a good time t'ill I passed out and until this." I moaned, putting my hand to my forehead."

"It's alright Padfoot." said Moony, accepting my apology. "But I do hope you've learned your lesson."

"Yeah." I said. "I'll never drink more than one butterbeer or fire whiskey a month."

"Wait a minute, you drank _fire whiskey_!?" exclaimed Moony.

"Yeah, but I didn't mean to, I was just so drunk, I wasn't thinking clearly." I said.

"Alright Mr. Black, you need some sleep." said Madame Pomfrey entering the room.

"OK" I responded. "See you later Moony."

"See you later." Moony replied, leaving the room. As I was begining to fall asleep, Moony suddenly re-entered the room with a peice of paper in his hands.

"Padfoot, at the Three Broomsticks did you happen to pay for everyone's drinks?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think I did." I responded.

"That would make sense then."

"Why?" I asked.

"Um... because," Began Moony. "your Three Broomsticks purchase bill, is 610 galleons and 82 sickles."

Please Review. Pretty, pretty pwease. (puppy dog eyes)


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